The Need to Create
I don’t create because I love to do it.
I don’t create because it’s a passion or because I have something important to say.
I create out of necessity. Because if I don’t, it’s physically bad for my wellbeing.
It’s like releasing a pressure valve on my brain. I need to get things out of my head solely for my mental and emotional benefit.
I have so many thoughts and ideas in my head at every moment that it’s overwhelming. Not all good ideas, mind you. But I have songs, fully written and arranged, living in my mind and taking up space. I play through them over and over, making adjustments and adding or subtracting parts. I visualize and endlessly tweak them.
Writing a song down or recording a demo doesn’t get it out of my head. Only a final recording can do that. Only the full vision, executed.
After I properly record the song, it’s gone. Just like that. Poof. It exists in tangible form and doesn’t have to live in my brain anymore. I stop thinking about it almost entirely. There’s a sensation of physical relief and a brief moment of peace and quiet before another thing takes its place.
And something will take its place. I have at least four fully formed albums in my head right now.
But it’s not just music. It’s topics I want to write about it, cartoons I want to draw, movie ideas, jokes, ideas for products that I’ll never make, philosophical explorations, you name it. They take up space until they’re real. They build up and shift around and jockey for position. Turning them into reality is an act of retaining my sanity.
I obviously enjoy being creative, but it’s less that creating makes me happy, and more that I need to create in order to have a chance to be happy.
People say they make things because it’s what they love to do, but believe it or not, I actually don’t think of it that way. The enjoyment is not my primary motivator. Brief moments of peace of mind are.
For some of us, creativity isn’t just a pleasant way to pass the time — it’s a compulsory obligation for our mental health. It feels less like pursuing an interest than fulfilling a need.
And that’s why I talk about it so much.
